“You are always so angry!”

My Mom has said this to me more times than I could ever begin to hypothesize
I suppose I do feel angst somewhat often
A little bit daily
I always feel it has a purpose, however

Sometimes the purpose is simply that I am a woman
Being imprisoned in this body gets me so restless
I also feel an over abundance of elation at times
Balance is key, but difficult to achieve

Please, please don’t call me crazy
Not again, I know you feel it, too

My indignant tendencies don’t just come out of nowhere
They have been trapped in the confines of my vessel for centuries before I was ever even a thought that came about in the neurons found in the synapse of a human brain

Cut me some slack

They are the woe my ancestors felt when they lost a child from a treatable illness at the ripe age of eleven years old, but had no access to care
They are the afflicted energy that spreads throughout the air during times of war, addiction, differences in belief, and bureaucratic injustices

They come from the anguish of abdominal pressure and dense bleeding every month that does not put me into the ground because I am pure magic

It comes from the suffering of heartbreak that hasn’t healed in a handful of years
Or how my own Grandmother lives, for she has felt that same grief for roughly seven handfuls, and she still gets out of bed each morning to go about her daily routine

The anger is the broken stipulations between yourself and a crutch that you placed too much emphasis on, but that person never deserved your love

That person didn’t even deserve to touch your skin

“You are always so angry”
So you use that fuel as your motive
Use your fuel to heal yourself
Healing yourself is all that you can do
That is how the world becomes restored

By Camryn Rebekkah

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