I don’t want kids.
I have no desire to get married, either.
“You will change your mind someday.” I’ve heard it over and over.. and over again. Maybe so. Maybe I will meet somebody whom I will develop a deeper connection with than the love I’ve felt for my exes, but that is still not up for you to determine.
Someone made the comment, “Yeah, and it’s okay to have kids and get married!”
The point I am attempting to make is that I am not an asshole for not wanting children in a society where the majority of human beings get married and have children. I’ve been an Aunt since I was three years old, can you really blame me? I’ve gotten so much slack over the years for making jokes about how nice it is not having kids and for that I have been called a “monster” as well as told that my sense of humor is terrible.
The thing of it is, is that I actually love kids. I’ve worked with kids since I was old enough to have a job and I am currently searching for a job within my field that involves working kids. I also love giving those little ones back to their parents or guardian after spending an afternoon with them.
Call me selfish. Call me cruel. I’m not going to let it bother me anymore. I know that I am not, I’m just attempting to convey my choice, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Considering our current issue with a rising global population and limited resources, one could argue that this choice is not selfish at all.
This topic has been giving me some anxiety with the holidays approaching, which is why I want to discuss having family members who bombard you with questions about when you are going to finally “settle down.”
We all know that times are changing and nowadays many women are able to choose working towards a fulfilling career versus having children and marriage. Or a woman can choose both. Whatever a woman decides to do is her own choice- not her family’s, not her husband’s, and definitely not society’s. My Mother and I were discussing how when she was young, it was never brought to her attention that she was capable of going to college and pursuing her interests. She became a Mother when she was seventeen and she helped her husband (at the time) get through college by writing his papers and helping him with any homework he had. (Funny story: they still get along well and he will occasionally have her edit his writing!) Once she turned thirty years old she decided to enroll herself at Bemidji State University to major in education. Her and my Father have always encouraged me to follow my heart (cheesy as it sounds) so I have never felt pressure from either to find someone to spend my life with. However, I’ve felt the pressure from some friends and certain family members.
Surely you were hoping for some sort of alternative or ways to avoid the question, but the truth of the matter is that it is more than likely inevitable that at some point the topic will be brought up.
Guess what? “I don’t want to” is a perfectly acceptable answer.
It is perfectly okay to not want children. You do not have to get married if it doesn’t strike your fancy. You can change your mind on whatever stance you choose at any time, and you definitely do not have to explain yourself if you do not desire to.
This is a completely personal decision. Embrace your ability to have that choice and voice your decision with pride. There is no shame no being indecisive, either.
By Camryn Rebekkah